e-book Our Secret Rules: Why We Do the Things We Do

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We all live according to rules that regulate our behaviors. Some rules--ones we are conscious of-- are clear. Others, however, are unconscious, and when we do​.
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Our Secret Rules: Why We Do the Things We Do

Thanks for telling us about the problem. Return to Book Page. We all live according to rules that regulate our behaviors. Some rules--ones we are conscious of-- are clear. Others, however, are unconscious, and when we do things that go against them, we experience stress, anxiety, apprehension, and emotional exhaustion--and we never know why. This book offers a unique system that helps uncover our most secret rules. Once we are aware We all live according to rules that regulate our behaviors.

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Once we are aware of them, we can then learn to live within their boundaries, or we can attempt to change them. Get A Copy. Paperback , pages. Published September 1st by Square One Publishers. More Details Original Title. Other Editions 2. Friend Reviews. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about Our Secret Rules , please sign up.

Lists with This Book. This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Community Reviews. When I decided where I wanted my life to go, my life vision, I consciously chose hobbies that would best get me there. Some of these hobbies include exercise, reading, writing, journaling, having deep and meaningful conversations, and being in nature.

These hobbies refresh and rejuvenate me while simultaneously pushing me toward my dreams.

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Happiness comes from embracing the now. Not letting those moments pass you by. Greg McKeown, author of Essentialism, tells of the story of missing his child being born to be at an "important meeting. He thought the potential client would be impressed with his commitment to work. Instead, they saw his decision to miss such a monumental moment as a flaw in character. That moment was a turning point for Greg.

In fact, it spurred him to change everything about his life. He now removes everything from his life that is not vital and essential. Nothing in life is permanent. Our loved ones pass on from this life. Let's live in the present and appreciate the most important things in our lives before it's too late.

The future value of time is far less than the present value. Yet, people "defer" happiness to someday in the future. In so doing, they forfeit experiencing the moment and being happiness now. You must find joy in the journey, because there really isn't a destination.

Happy people step out of their comfort zone. You can't grow if you don't challenge yourself. And growth is a requirement of happiness. If you're not growing, you're slowly decaying and dying. When you do things way outside your comfort zone, you naturally raise your conscious level. When you do things that involve high risk, and high probability of failure, you are forced to think differently than you normally do.

You are forced to be creative and innovative.

Sadly, most people play life small, safe, and easy. The goals they pursue are logical. There is little element of risk and little requirement for faith.

Consequently, you should take bigger risks in your life. Do things that make you feel alive and activate flow. Of course, with this will come more failures.

Our Secret Rules : Why We Do the Things We Do by Jordan Weiss (2001, Paperback)

But if you're not failing, you're not growing. Rather than experiencing apathy in life, you'll experience more of a roller-coaster of emotions. We can never appreciate joy if we've never felt sorrow. The more pain and fear we feel, the more we can comprehend and appreciate joy and happiness. Stephen Covey says that most people spend their time on urgent but unimportant things.

We wake up and immediately check our email. Thus, we put our lives on reactive, rather than proactive mode. After all, email is simply a database of other people's agendas. Instead, happy people always put the important stuff first. The way that we currently regulate internet intermediaries means that they are under no requirement to rule in a way that is accountable.

Internet intermediaries enjoy a broad discretion to create and enforce their rules in almost any way they see fit. They make decisions based on their own vision for how they want users to behave, their business plans, and commercial interests, as well as in response to their exposure to legal risk and potential bad publicity.

They provide little in the way of due process, leaving their users to wonder how and why decisions affecting them were made and creating deep suspicions about hidden bias and overt discrimination. This is what I mean when I say that intermediaries govern in a lawless way. The broad discretionary powers they exercise are the antithesis to legal means of making decisions. The role of law in democratic societies is to create a set of rules that reflect the public interest and the morals of the populace. Laws are made legitimate through democratic institutions that are supposed to work in the public interest and constitutional limitations that protect the rights of citizens.

The hallmark of legitimacy in law is the rule of law: The legislative system is designed to ensure that the rules themselves reflect the public interest and the will of the people, and the judicial system exists as a way to check that laws are validly made and fairly enforced. Legal systems are by no means perfect, but they create the infrastructure that allows for public oversight of the rules that we live by.

Technology companies govern, but they are losing popular support. The market provided legitimacy: If these intermediaries are seen as just providing services to consumers, who are free to vote with their wallets, then their actions are almost certainly legitimate.

Fiction in the age of radical transparency - Christian Lorentzen - Bookforum Magazine

But as the influence of technology companies on our lives becomes more clear, these companies need to do more to justify themselves and maintain their legitimacy. Slowly, tech companies have been losing our collective consent. The tide of public opinion is now challenging the assumed right that technology companies have to govern our lives in the way that they do. The pressure on technology companies to be more accountable is growing steadily.

This pressure has been building for years because technology companies have been making decisions that affect us all behind closed doors, without any real accountability. It increases with every shock and controversy that casts doubt on whether the industry has our best interests at heart or is doing as much as we would like to fight all manner of bad actors online.

This pressure is not sustainable in the long term. No matter how benevolent and thoughtful tech executives appear to be, the lack of transparency and accountability will continue to breed allegations that they are uncaring, incompetent, biased, or even just downright evil. No matter how much technology companies protest, their central power as focal nodes on the internet makes them irresistible targets for people who want better control over users.

The core argument of this book is that because online intermediaries play such a crucial role in regulating how users behave, we should find a way to ensure that their decisions are legitimately made. For this, we need what I call digital constitutionalism. Traditional constitutionalism focuses on power exercised by the state and is not well adapted to ensuring that the decisions of private actors are legitimately made.

A more modern view of regulation can help us to understand that the type of power that intermediaries exercise over users is a type of governance power and that this power is subject to influence by a wide range of different actors. This recognition requires us to pay attention to the work that intermediaries do to govern the internet, as well as the different methods that state governments, the private sector, the media, and civil society use to influence the practices of intermediaries.


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Once we recognize how the internet is governed in practice, it becomes clearer that traditional ways of thinking about how the exercise of power is made legitimate are no longer adequate to protect people online. There is no simple, single definition of what it means to govern legitimately. It is impossible to define, because it is a concept that depends fundamentally on context and constantly changes. People who exercise power have legitimacy because we collectively give it to them. So whether social media platforms, search engines, content hosts, telecommunications companies, and other entities are acting legitimately when they shape our actions and our environment depends on how much we expect from them.

This is still very much up for grabs; we are still in the early days of the commercial internet, and we do not yet have an easy answer or even common agreement on the exact shape of the limits people want to see imposed on the power of tech companies.